by Chris Thomas

 

My husband passed away three months ago after a year-long battle with cancer.

 

Mourning: I feel…despair, anger, fear, lonely, hurt, overwhelmed, anxious, alone, shattered, distorted, betrayed, detached, darkness, forgotten, lost, left, conflicted, scared, brokenhearted, tired, numb, physical pain, nothing.

 

Morning: God is…Faithful. He is my Comforter, Abba Father, Healer, Savior, Companion, Confidante, Rescuer, Friend, Helper, Refuge, Protector, Warrior, Strength, Future, Joy, Love, Freedom, stronger than my pain, keeping my heart beating, working all things for my good.

 

It’s amazing how God reminds me all of the time that He is with me through this devastating time in my life. Sometimes it seems that I’ll never make it and, just as I’m ready to give up, He sends miracles, both large and small. The small miracles happen all the time and are so precious to me. They are just little bits of love that make me smile when I realize what He’s up to and that He’s watching over me. The big miracles are His Angels on Earth. They reach out to me, pick me up, and remind me that I don’t have to do this all by myself. Thank you to those sweet brothers and sisters in Christ! You have no idea what a blessing you are.

 

Don’t you love it when you hear a song and you think that song was played just for you at exactly the right time in your life? A couple of songs I cling to are “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns and “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey. They, and many more, remind me of the promises that give me hope.

 

All of His blessings show up at the precise moment I need to be reminded of His perfect love, His great faithfulness, and His strong arms. I guess it’s true and I need to keep telling myself that “It’s OK if I’m not OK.” Just for now.

 

Great is Thy Faithfulness, Mourning by Morning His mercies I see.

 

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.’
(Lamentations 3:22-24)